Blurred Lines….

Is it just me or is online dating getting harder? I feel like I’m pulling teeth right now just to get a conversation flowing with someone.

Sherlock has dropped off the face of the textual universe. I mean I can see he’s been online but not messaging me I’m not going to chase it. The ball is in his court… he ghosts me any longer it can bloody stay there! I’m sure someone else has come along which is fine but good gay god just tell me that. We went from all day messages to nothing! Like why?! For my own sanity I need to make sure I don’t keep getting too invested prior to meeting as I’m going to start struggling to come up with blogging aliases for these assholes!

Perhaps I’m missing some male perspective to dating? In fact now I think about it I miss having anyone to talk to about dating. My friends are all married or in long term relationships. It used to be fun telling them about my antics but now it’s just getting embarrassing. Wedding season is around the corner and I have become the friend that doesn’t get a plus one and is put on the single table. Next to the “perfect for you” guy who is likely to get on my tits in the metaphorical unfun way… its painful.

In more positive sexy news…Big Daddy and I are in a FWB agreement, my loins are very happy about this! He has vocalised that he can’t commit time to me, his children are his top priority, I wouldn’t expect anything less. His living situation is far from ideal and it’s only a matter of time before it becomes an issue.. for him or his ex, it wouldn’t be right to either of us to try to be in a relationship. It would be destined to fail.

A FWB set up is probably the best thing for me right now. It gives me time to lick my wounds, gives me the comfort of not feeling completely alone and also stops me from being a textual slut with any new matches, it’s something I am working on as it’s not sending the right message. I’m getting my kicks from an Adonis who is a wizard with his tongue… my sexual needs are very much being met so therefore I’m less like a bitch on heat!

BD has said that ideally he would like to meet at least once a week if not more… I told him that a fixed schedule makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Like… Yoga on Mondays… Boxing on Tuesdays… sex with BD on Wednesdays… it’s just not my style. I would also get bored. Routine makes me restless! He told me that being a parent routine is a big part but he understood and that we could just go a little more with the flow.

Now you would think that this would make things clear and defined… we know exactly where things are!

Ha have you read my insane ramblings before?! Of course there are blurred lines! However for once it’s not me!…..It’s not me! It’s him!

For example, the emotional lines are blurred, he text me to say he was not looking for anyone else and he was “enjoying this thing with us”. I am not sure if he was fishing for me to say the same. The comment was pretty out of the blue and I assume a little alcohol was involved. If he was fishing I didn’t take the bait, we were clear that this was an open arrangement. He’s since said the same things a couple more times. I have said that I could see how his busy schedule to make it difficult to continue dating. Ok I could of said “ok but just to remind you I am still dating”. But I didn’t I’m going to have to do this face to face.

The second example is he has spent the whole of last week messaging me that he missed me, not just for sex but my company (I shit you not! He literally said that) it all caught me a little off guard. He told me all he could think about being with me… asked if we could spend some “normal time together” at the cinema or to get food… he even mentioned a trip away in Europe. I said some time outside of the bedroom would be nice. We get on amazingly so of course I would want to spend time just hanging out.

He then joked that he had to stop as he was sounding too “relationshippy” but he would keep reverting back to saying how much he wants to be with me. I’m putting this all down to the honeymoon stage of the whole thing. Or perhaps my nonchalant attitude is making him more keen… who knows?!

I know that things with him are not long term. I also can understand why he said he wasn’t into seeing other people, he’s into a pretty cushty set up. He has regular sex with no commitment and I am putting zero pressure on him. I need to remind him that I am still actively seeking someone to be in a committed relationship with. I’m not prepared to be a scheduled fuck forever.

I’m just not sure how long it is until something does become an issue and the house of cards crashes. Something has to give, how long until someone gets jealous? And more to the point who will buckle first?! Me…. him… his ex? Place your bets now!

So back to the swiping front as already ranted Sherlock is AWOL, things with The Good Guy are pretty stale. I have two others “regulars” I’m chatting to but I’m not going to go into much until there’s a date or something worth writing about!

Im getting annoyed that the men sliding all up in my DMs are dull I doubt will come to anything. Some have been painfully dull talking to. One word answers, horrific spelling, sexual innuendos… Is this the lull before valentines or am I being more critical of my matches?

The foot pop – 2nd date with science guy.

As promised below is the post I never hit publish on. It was back at the end of November 2018 (i know i know ages ago!), I had come back from my second date with the Science Guy and had realized things were just not going to go anywhere… I felt guilty and I was just to caught up in the emotional web that was Captain America.

My second date with science guy was in the calendar. Again we had very limited contact in between. Again how relaxing is this?!

In true pro dating style our second date was dinner, he asked me where I would like to go, I being female went with a “I don’t mind whatever you want is fine with me” and then he picked a place that I kinda wish he hadn’t. My friend works there so I wasn’t exactly happy about the idea of a friend of mine serving us on a second date.

But I wasn’t going to change it, I mean I said anywhere is fine I was not going to be that girl and say “oooh actually not there”. I would just had to deal with it if my friend was working.

Again the run up was quiet, I’m still getting my head around it but I think I have worked out why this approach is the best all round and I’m trying to adopt it myself.

• Usually when you first start chatting to someone it (or in my case) is very full on. Text exchanges last days and half the time your talking about nothing.
• It build so much anticipation, don’t get me wrong I like a bit of build up prior to a date but by dropping the communication this meant that I hadn’t built this whole mental picture in my head so I didn’t have my heart set on anything but the simple idea of meeting someone new.
• Less chance of disappointment, in all my past dates that didn’t work out I felt in a way let down by both myself and my date. Most of the time I was annoyed at myself for not picking up a particular thing about someone or at times I felt like I was tricked, like my date had hidden something from me purposely.

Science guy is the only person I have gone on a date with and didn’t want to pull my hair out trying to second guess his next move with.

So date day comes around and I check in to confirm we are still on, he reply’s saying we are.

Now I have mentioned this before, i don’t like being the first one at a location. I have visions of them taking one look and leaving. Yes this is a second date and I know that Science Guy would never do something like that, I doubt he has a mean bone in his body, but I can’t help my mind… you can’t control crazy.

Because of my weirdo ways I was waiting for him to confirm he was there and then I would head round as it was a five min walk from my house. This was a great plan… it’s a sham I failed to ask him to message when he was there. So I was late.

I lied and said my mum had called and I had lost track of time. I didn’t see the point of highlighting that I have this odd fear especially as he clearly isn’t the sort of guy to do something like leave someone sat in their own in a restaurant.

Dinner was nice, we chatting about nothing in particular. He mocked me for my indecisiveness at choosing what to eat, I was horrified that he has never seen an episode of friends…. I mean really?!

He confessed he didn’t like things that everyone raves about. For example he has never seen Game of Throne or The Walking Dead because “everyone watches it. I couldn’t understand this logic so he further explained that he only watched Making a Murderer because he caught it before everyone started raving about it.

It seems a pretty odd approach to things, I still don’t get why liking something that other people like is a bad thing, I mean the only person who is really loosing out is him?!

After dinner we grabbed a cocktail in a nearby bar. The chat turned to dating itself and he said he had been single since March. He asked me the same question and I didn’t know what to say. I mean how long have I been single for? Do I count my summer exclusivity with Captain America as a relationship?!

I avoiding an in-depth answer by saying I have been on and off dating on Bumble since the end of last year. Trying to explain CA is just too difficult.

Leaving the pub we walked back towards where he had parked with was fortunately near my place. Getting to the cross roads bit I had decided I needed to make sure I got a goodnight kiss.

It was awful. Now I’m not saying he is a bad kisser…. he’s just not my type of kisser. I need a bit of force behind a kiss. He was so lacking in anything it was near nonexistent.

Walking home it reminded me of the Princess Diaries film when she says she wants to be kissed like in old movies where the kiss is so intense the girls foot “pops” up? Well I’m no princess, sure I want that intense kiss that makes my lady bits scream… this kiss did nothing.

So the science guy is a cutie in personality and looks, he has his shit together and my mum would adore him…. so why can’t I find him sexually attractive?!

I’m back!

To say I have been MIA is beyond an understatement! I am sorry for just dropping you all without so much of a word but life took over and I retreated from the blogger verse to focus a little more on the world around me.

So needless to say if any of you are still following me and would like to know what sort of trouble I have been getting myself into you will be pleased to know that over the next few posts I am going to attempt to catch you all up….

But to give you my current relationship status……… I am back to swiping! Yey me!

My last post was back in November 2018… and most of my ramblings were around the following fellas…..

The Body
Oh the body….. what a specimen this guy is. As toned as the statue of David (and just as hard if you know what I mean!). He was my smash and dash guy but that was pretty much it. The last occasion we met we had a good ole naked wrestle, it was amazing although I swear he bruised my organs as I actually hurt for days after. Unsurprisingly it all fizzled out, and we stopped messaging.
I last heard from him in the following January (a year ago!) when we were both in Spain at the same time. He wanted to meet up but I was over him by that point.
He is still on the market as I recently swiped left on him – Been there and literally done that thank you bumble!

Science Guy
Oh the sweet and adorable science guy… My next post will cover our second date as I did in fact write it, for some reason I had left it in Drafts and never got around to post it. I will post it tomorrow for you to have a nose at!

If you cant be bothered to read it then in short…. I was far too visually blessed with the body and emotionally obsessed with Captain America that it was never going to work. I just wasn’t that into him and we never got to date number three.
He too is still on the market which is a shame as he really is a lovely guy.

Captain America
It doesn’t take Sherlock to work out that things obviously didn’t work out. My last posts were about his deployment and if I should wait or not, when I returned from Spain (there will be more to follow on Spain as of course I had to sample some of the local chicos!) I released that it wasn’t fair for me to be dating when I clearly was lusting after My Captain. Its why the blogging stopped as I ended up with nothing to talk about… Okay a bit of a lie, I am a red blooded woman I didn’t want my vajay-jay closing up on me!

Basically I deleted my account and twiddled my thumbs…. and a couple sets of random men’s nipples…. and a woman’s (yeah another post will cover that one too!) until his return. He lived with me for a couple of months and then…. well he left in November.

So in November after I spent a week or two drowning myself in wine, cursing myself for putting on “relationship weight” and being a complete and utter mess, I signed back up to bumble….

So here I am!

Lets get ready to bumble!

The sound of silence – Hump and Dump

After my “date” with The Body on Tuesday and my drinks with Science guy on the Wednesday I hadn’t made any plans to do anything over the weekend I needed to work over the so needed to be sure I wasn’t burning the proverbial candle at both ends.

Science guy had already asked me out on the Sunday as we said goodbye on our date, I had told him to check in with me as I really didn’t know how I was going to feel by then and didn’t want to be too tired to be interesting or fun to be around. Sleepy me goes one of two ways… pathetic and child like or mega bitch! He didn’t need to see either of those sides to me!

Captain America was on radio silence as he was heading out to base… I really miss just being able to talk to him. I thought as time went on it would get easier but it isn’t. It was one thing not having him around but the not being able to talk at all was a new level of shite.

The body has also slowed down his messages, I wasn’t surprised. Admittedly I was pissed but not upset. I think it highlighted where I am in terms of how I feel about him. He’s hot, fun to be around but I don’t think anything serious could ever develop between us. That didn’t stop me arranging round two for the Friday night mean who the hell wouldn’t want to recreate that?!

During work on the Friday he messaged confirming times along with a few cheeky messages which had me feeling pretty flustered. I was getting sex flashbacks and considering we were only together for an hour I have been pretty impressed!

Then Friday night came and went… not a word. By 10pm I had gone to bed, I was annoyed. Not a message or anything to say he wasn’t going to be able to make it.

Saturday came… and went and still nothing. I had passed the point of being pissed off and I was now feeling shit. I felt every one of my many many flaws bubble up to the surface of my brain and pop a wave of self loathing and embarrassment.

My assistant picked up on my change of personality and pushed me to tell her what was wrong. So telling her she pointed out I could just message him.

She was right, the likelihood is that he probably went out and got drinks afterwork and then got pissed. Out plans were not until late so it was a possibility. A shit one but better than he was physically revolted by the idea of my body which was my take on it.

So I messaged him. I didn’t mention the fact he was a MIA I just checked in to say hi.

I got a reply pretty quickly with an apology and that he had been at his mums. I’m not sure what that had to do with anything, perhaps he wanted me to pry, perhaps he thought that it was a clear reason… who the hell knows. I said not to worry and then left it.

I am still pissed off, I wouldn’t care if he had cancelled but the no contact was just a bit wanky.

The pro dater – my first date with science guy

The evening after my sexy visit from The Body I had a first date with Science Guy. You won’t recognise his name as although he was one of the guys who was in the mix when I first got into dating he was heading away on a trip so didn’t get a mention. It’s quiet fortunate really as the majority of the guys… no wait all of them have since disappeared into some sorting of vortex!

Science guy is in his early 30s and some sort of dating ninja. He has me a bit taken aback by how he dealt with our contact prior to meeting.

• When he first messaged me after matching it took about three messages before he said he wanted to confirm a date.
• Upon realising he had a pending trip he suggested a reschedule, he was very clear that this was a suggestion and if I wanted to keep the date then he would be happy to and he was only mentioning it as he didn’t want to focus on anything but our time tougher.
• When getting back he messaged me asking to confirm the date with a couple of suggestions as to when he was free.
• Once the date was confirmed he checked in daily but kept the messaging and the context to a minimum citing that things are more fun shared in person.

The guy is so to the point I was completely at ease in the hours before our date. He just gives off he aura that he wouldn’t mess anyone around, what you see is what you get. I liked it, why the hell doesn’t everyone do this? Myself included! Life would be so much easier if it was this simple!

We arranged to meet in a pub in my town, it was a five min walk from my place so I told him to let me know when he was there and I would walk round. He asked me what I would like to drink… granted it was the morning so I was t able

As agreeed he messaged me when he had parked up next to the pub and I headed up the road to meet him. When I was just around the corner he messaged again to warn me a quiz was going on.

What the hell is it with my town and bloody quizzes?!

I walked in and recognised him straight away. He was cute in a geeky sort of way with tall and athletic build. He looked just like his photos too which is always a relief!

Due to the noise and my bad looser attitude in the highly likely chance that we wouldn’t win the quiz if we took part we decided to head elsewhere. Annoyingly that elsewhere was my regular haunt. Yes I could of suggested elsewhere however he suggested going there while mentioning it was one of his favourite haunts.

We found a quiet corner and settled down to drink and chat. Talking to him was super easy. He had a sense of humor which was self deprecating which was cute and he also had the cojones to poke fun at me which was oddly relaxing.

The date went really well. We pretty much laughed the whole time and didn’t even notice when it was kicking out time.

The dreaded goodnight was in its usual form awkward hug, no kiss but this time there wasn’t the standard “we should do this again sometime” he straight out asked me for another date there and then. I wasn’t able to confirm anything just then so promised to get back to him.

Why can’t all dates be this simple?!

So in comparison to my date the night before it was a tame but fun night!

Gone in 60 minutes…

A week after my first date with The Body we finally had the chance to meet up again. I have had a lot running through my mind with the whole dating life and I’m still not completely adjusted to life without captain America. I had started to slow down my communications with The Body because I felt like I wasn’t clear in my head on how I want the next few months to play out.

I will admit I stalled on seeing him because I frankly I didn’t know what to think of him. It wasn’t until I spoke to my mum that I realised I was being unfair to him. He has been so keen in keeping in touch and arranging a second date I had been harsh and judgemental on him all because I felt inferior to him.

We arranged to have drinks at a bar close to my place. It was during the week and unlike me he had a very early start in the morning. He gets up at like 5am, I can’t think of anything worse! I struggle to get to work for 9am on days I work from home!

I was excited and keen to see if I was presumptuous in my original post about our first date, was it nerves that made him a little more ballsy and arrogant or is that who he is?

That evening messaged me to tell the that the trains were a mess. Being the uk this is an understatement, the trains are bloody awful! I feel for anyone who has to commute! But I was now feeling annoyed that once again we were going to be rescheduling seeing on another. It seems it’s ok when I’m the on doing the cancelling but if it’s me getting cancelled I pretty much sulk like a child.

Of course I would never dream of letting that side of crazy out, I save that for you guys and my besties to roll their eyes over! So I replied saying that we could rain check and joked how it will be a while til we see one another. You know because I super cute, laid back and light hearted!

He replied back immediately saying that he would still like to see me and asked if we could push our meet time back.

Yes, I did. I had held off plans so I could see him and I wasn’t prepared to waste a night being on my own. I also didn’t want to be out late. I become a bit of a hermit at this time if the year the cold and the dark really messes with my head. So I either need to be out the house by 8:30 or I just want to be on the sofa with wine and a blanket.

My inner harlot obviously took the reins on this decision as it’s just not really my normal style…

I suggested he come to my place. He loved the idea and replied saying that it would be better as he has to get up early so wouldn’t be out long anyway. Perfect.

He didn’t get to mine until after 9pm which would of been fine except he had already said needed to be home by 10:30 at the latest….

I’m sure you guys have guessed where this is going. It was going to lead to this the moment he messaged me after our first date….

As soon as he walked through the door we were all over each other. I full on caveman style dragged him through to the bedroom. Clothes were pulled off… it was pretty hot, neigh it was fucking amazing.

His strength and height was such a turn on, he literally picked me up and flung me on the bed. Grabbing my arms he was able to hold me in place as he went down on me… Good god it was intense! My back arched so much I swear I heard it click. I was actually to a point where if he didn’t penetrate me soon I was going to get violent, I was at the point of being needing it so bad it was actually painful!

When he finally listened to my please he let go of my wrists for a split second before he pulled himself ontop of me and had them pinned down above my head.

My body was screaming by now, I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and run my nails down is back.

It was hard, it was fast, it was animalistic. Now I’m not a fan of him being ontop in this situation, I prefer to have a bit of spend control but my head was drunk with the million nerve ending that were now on fire and my legs were not playing game, I had pretty much lost use of most the muscles in my body. There was something so sexy about the way he dominated me, how he had one hand pinning down my wrist and the other pulling my hips up towards him, I was completely lost in the whole moment. It was hot, raw, passionate sex.

Annoyingly giving him this level of speed control resulted in things coming to an end as quickly as they heated up! I think we were both as shocked as one another at this, I didn’t want it to end but then I don’t think my nervous system would of coped for much longer.

We laid still for a moment just panting, as my senses slowly came back to me I realised we had actually spoken a word to one another with exception to my “hey you” as I answered the door.

So he walked through the door at 9pm and he was gone by 10….

One of the hottest hours of my life.

The other woman – I need help.

I’ve entered an new level of crazy. I somehow accidentally… and I do mean accidentally managed to find Captain America’s ex wife on social media.

I then spend a good couple of hours online stalking and now I feel awful, heck I even feel a bit dirty!

Ok so your most likely thinking how can you accidentally find someone online? So allow me to try to explain how I found myself on the crazy ass path of bunny boiler.

I was in the office chatting to my team. My office is predominantly women and we tend to find that most of our conversations surround sex, men and horoscopes. Cliche I know but it’s something that entertains us for hours!

My assistant has just joined bumble and although there is a good 15 yeas difference in our ages her parameters in terms of age range cross over mine by 7 years (my ages are from 30 to 42, she has gone from 35 to 55. We were comparing people and having a bit of a giggle about he possibility of us matching with the same person. In theory this could be possible. I am a paid member of bumble, I find aimlessly swiping to be a bit depressing, having the option to select from people who have already liked you is more suited to my ego. My assistant on the other hand proudly declares “I’ve gone this long without paying for it, I ain’t gonna start now”. She also loves the swiping aspect, something I personally loath!

Anyway I was explaining how easy it is to dig dirt on someone online, I used CA as an example as I often take the piss on how funny he is about personnel information ñ (he shreds his name and address off cardboard boxes from amazon). Someone as careful as him should be hard to find online.

Wrong! With his email address I was able to pull up his Facebook page, then dive into his family stuff, it was super simple. While showing my assistant she pointed out a name that was linked to his email address, it was above the suggested line… it was a womans name.

So I clicked on it…

And that is how I found his ex wife, her twitter and her Instagram. I haven’t gone as far as looking at her Facebook and I am going to refrain from doing so. Twitter and instagram are very public domains, they encourage strangers to look and follow each other. So at first I didn’t feel so bad.

But now I feel crazy, I mean who does that? It hasn’t come from a place of jealousy, I’m in now way threatened or anything by her. I’m intrigued, he had told me stuff (nothing nasty… more odd) about her and this was not the image I was getting from her social media. It made me curious and now I feel like I have overstepped some invisible unspoken line that shouldn’t be crossed.

I voiced this to my assistant who pointed out I hadn’t gone looking for her and most people would succumb to the temptation of having a look if they had half the chance. She asked how I would feel if I found that CA had snooped on my past and honestly, I wouldn’t mind. I’ve been open about my past, I’m just not very open about feelings.

I still can’t help feeling bad…

Stripping the body – I knew It Armor

I feel I may of been unfair on The Body in my post about our date.

My superficial ways combined with my insecurities turned me into a bit of a shallow bitch and I seemed to of projected this onto The Body.

I basically penalised him for having great looks, a good job and an amazing body. He made me feel unworthy, like someone that good looking wouldn’t take a second glance at someone like me.

I did something that I had suggested another blogger had been doing to themselves and I’m so bloody moronic I didn’t see it until my own mother pointed it out to me. I’ve been loading up with “I knew it Armour” just to down play any embarrassment or hurt if I was or am blown off.

I was telling my mum about the date and how he was a typical banker and a bit arrogant she said she was surprised I didn’t just walk out. Being my mother she knows I have a low tolerance for people who see themselves above others, I joked that I was blinded by his beauty and his abs were like a moth to a flame. She pointed out that The Vegan was just as good looking and I had walked out when I found him to be a bit of an arse.

So after a bit of a rethink I have decided I need to say more about the positives of my date with The Body as I seemed to of been a bit unfair.

1. He was overly concerned that I didn’t eat. Obviously now looking back for me to outright refuse food might of looked like I wasn’t interested nor was I planning on staying. It was a bit rude of me too Ashe did say he wanted to go there for food so I should really of said something before hand.
2. When talking about the gym and how I hate it when you start up again as it makes me feel so unfit he offered to take me and help me with a plan. This was done in a non wanky way, he seemed genuinely keen to help me. The gym is clearly a passion of his and it was sweet to encourage me.
3. His story about being catfished by the girl who was “bigger” than her photos he revealed that he used to be extremely over weight. The idea that someone had assumed him to be that shallow to judge someone on weight did seem to upset him.
4. He made some inappropriate jokes and comments, I chalked it down to arrogance but really if I think about it, I’m prone to doing this when I’m nervous. He admitted he hasn’t dated a lot so perhaps i should give some slack on this one. (Also I love inappropriate things!)
5. He messaged me that same night asking me out and has messaged me everyday since.

So I’m not saying he isn’t arrogant but I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and not just mark him off as some wanker banker.

I need to remember that I do project a bit of promiscuity when I am talking to people, I need to work on toning that down. I mean I can hardly complain about something that I am in some way encouraging. In fact I can’t lie and have to admit I essentially have been doing the exact same thing to him.

Although I will stand by my hunch that I do think the body is more interested in a FWB situation… And right now I’m ok with that.

Oh Captain, my Captain!

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting since my date with The Body. Things with CA are still messing with my head and I have been struggling to see if I am being a little too gung ho (emphasis on the ho!) with getting back on the dating scene.

In a bid to work things out I have been going back through some of my old posts. I find myself eye rolling and getting annoyed that I was being such a moany cow.

I also realised the following points… I’m sure you guys have noticed other things and please feel free to point them out to me!

1. Looks really do matter to me. Someone’s height and weight is actually a big thing. It makes me feel so shallow but I can’t help it.
2. I’m a little bit slutty…. it’s probably the wrong word, slutty is so negative and I’m not ashamed that I’m sexually inquisitive. But I am a little, just a tad frustrated with myself as I do think that I might paint the wrong image of myself. I love sex, I love the building of anticipation towards sex but perhaps I could reel back my textual promiscuity… just a tad!
3. If I am upset or stressed I should avoid alcohol as it definitely brings out my slutty side!
4. I lack she balls when it comes to talking about emotions.
5. I’m an over thinker and aware of it that I most likely talk myself out of red flags when initially messaging people.
6. I’m not over Captain America and don’t think I really will ever be until he comes back.

The last point is the killer, yes I’m talking to other people and going on dates but really all I seem to do is compare them to CA. I think it’s because we are still in contact so much and this thing of sending me selfies does make me think about him and miss him even more.

When he sends me a selfie photo I spend ages just staring at it, I zoom in around the photo so I can get a better sense of his surroundings in a bid to feel more connected. I feel like a bit of a mad women just sat there staring at a photo.

I’m desperate for physical contact to a point that I’m feeling unloved (for lack of a better phrase). I just can’t cope with no sex or physical and emotional contact for so long, there is no way I could wait nine months for him, not when there is no guarantee that he will come back or more to the point stay!

The other day during a chat he mentioned he didn’t know what he was going to do for work when he came back. He’s in the army reserves but his “civvie” job still linked through to the US military, it’s a job he hates and I know he wants to find something else. Which means he might come back but he also might not stay in the UK for long.

I was debating just flat out asking him but then I don’t want to put any pressure on him when he is already going through so much. I also don’t know how I would cope if he did say he wanted to come back and find so we could remain together. Because then I would defiantly feel like a crap for unlocking my dating apps.

It’s a mindfuck.

City banker = Bit of a wanker

After numerous cancellations I have finally managed to meet The Body…

We had arranged to meet in one place but he changed it last min to a different bar as he wanted the pizza that they served. I wasn’t too happy as I for one, I wasn’t that hungry and the menu this place did was pretty much limited to pizza, and secondly I did not want to eat a pizza in front of someone who has less fat than a bloody pizza. The first place had a small bar menu where I could of ordered something small that would if tied me over.

I decided to have a quick sandwich before leaving the house because even with my three drink limit zero food would be a recipe for disaster. I’m pretty annoyed at how pathetic and insecure I actually am.

We were both running late. This annoyed me slightly. I always try to plan it so I know they are in the place before I am. I have visions of one day being sat in a place and the person turning up, taking one look at me and doing a runner! Although I would prefer that in comparison to what happened to a friend of mine where he said he was going to the toilet and just left. That stunt had her stop dating for nearly two years. I know I was also running late but

Getting to the bar I spotted him through the window before going in. Well major worry number one was out the window, he wasn’t a catfish! He was a hottie, I was actually taken back by how hot he was. I walked into the bar and they were doing a quiz…. oh great.

If he thought I was going to be doing a pub quiz he had another thing coming. I’m an extremely bad looser and I’m pretty rubbish at general knowledge pub quizzes do not paint me in a good light.

I walked up to the bar where he was, the hello was… odd. It was literally hello, an apology about not knowing he quiz was on and then a question if I wanted a drink.

No hug, kiss… no contact. Granted the first hello is always a bit of a fumble and awkward but the lack of it made me feel like is he could of looked through the window and saw me he would of ran. My insecurities started bubbling away.

So he was hotter than his photos… I mean I didn’t think it was possible but inevitably it was. I will admit I was actually flustered!

We grabbed a table away in a corner and he browsed the menu while we chatted… mentally I was channeling my inner Sherlock trying to work out where the flaw in this guy was…

It didn’t take long!

The guy was arrogant, my red flag from his text yesterday was spot on! He was also slightly patronising at times which I had to pull him up on. I grew up with a large family, my sarcasm skills are on on fleek.

He seemed to be receptive to my quick put downs and the patronising quickly stopped but the arrogance was still there.

During the date I started to find it more amusing. I could see how some people wouldn’t take to him. He was very much first date material for a lot of people as he could clearly be interpreted as offensive.

He name dropped some celebrities who he had worked with and was visually miffed when I wasn’t impressed.

I asked him about any dates and he told me of one where the girl had turned up a lot bigger than her photos and had lied about having kids. He said it wasn’t the weight thing that has bothered him but more the fact she had lied.

He had another where he had gone on a date and she had offered him money to get her pregnant… this one through me as it sounded crazy.

We didn’t talk too much about our lives or work, I think he dismissed my work as being leas important than his… but he would he is afterall a wanky banker.

The place was closing and we decided to start heading back, his car by chance was parked near my apartment so we opted to walk together.

We continued chatting until we got to the point where I needed to go one way and he needed to go another.

I wondered if we would kiss… we awkward hugged.

Getting home I thought well that’s it, I didn’t expect we would meet up again. I didn’t stroke his ego enough and I’m most likely not what he is looking for physically.

So I was shocked to get a text off him when he had got home, asking when I was next free… he’s still messaging me today?

I think he is after sex and nothing serious. I’m comfortable enough with him to actually have this talk as honestly I don’t think we would work out as a couple.

Could he be the perfect distraction while Captain America is away? Or am I infact the shallow one?